Professor Layton out-takes

"Where were you last Friday, Mr Butterbowlpudding?"
"I was walking in the town square, when I saw the clock was exactly six hours behind. Having seen it two hours prior, it was only 2 hours behind. There is another clock by the dock that ticks and tocks at a rate of nine hours behind. If my watch is accurate and the time was 7:30 AM when the dock clock was at 5:00AM, what is the solution to this unrelated matchstick puzzle?"
"Fuck this."


"The old lady is about to be hit by the truck!! Save her, Dr. Pennyfarthingbluebottombicycle!!"
"Before I can proceed, I must observe the lining on the street. The first lane is painted with three stripes to the mile, while the second lane is painted with only four dots to the kilometre. If I am to save this elderly woman: I must find a way to flip the tiles on this jigsaw puzzle to create the image of a toaster."
"... She's dead, asshole."


"Mrs. Slightlygermansausage, my wife's in labour!! Which way to the hospital?!"
"Well, there are four different roads you can take, but only one leads to the river which you must cross with the wolves and the chicks. Let's call them Roads A, B, C & D. In terms of length, A + D = 4C and BA = D + Q. How many ropes must we make to keep the pigs from fighting each other?
"OH MY GOD THE BABY'S CROWNING!!"
"I do say there is so need to be so loud..."

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The Social Network

By Austin

• For a movie about a website 500 million people use, the cinema was pretty empty
• Even though it's known as the "Facebook movie", it's rather about the guys behind the site
• Mark Zuckerberg, the youngest billionaire in the world, is played to perfection by Jesse Eisenberg
• If you thought Eisenberg was a clone of Michael Cera, you should take note, as he's going to win the Oscar for Best Actor
• In becoming the youngest billionaire in the world, he betrays his best friend Eduardo Saverin (played by Andrew Garfield, the new Spider-Man)
• The screenplay by Aaron Sorkin is absolutely amazing, and every line is witty, funny and clever
• There are many classic scenes and a plethora of memorable and brilliant lines
• All the actors are great (the big surprise was Justin Timberlake)
• Stylishly shot by David Fincher
• The characters speak really fast
• Nothing really bad about the movie
• If you take your grandma to it, she probably won't understand all the PC jargon, though 
• Expect to hear more about the film come Oscars season
• Best movie of the year (yeah, I've seen Inception and Toy Story 3)

10/10

Video Game Poetry #2: Pac-Man

By Austin.

Enter Pack-Yi-Huang, nicknamed "Pac-Man" by his old friends. The death of his four daughters in a car crash triggered a crippling, depressive state, in which he became addicted to heroin, bringing him closer to insanity with every pill he popped.

He is now trapped within his own hallucination, desperate to get out. He feels the pills are his only salvation, but they just force him deeper within his own sub-conscious; the inescapable maze where the thoughts of his dead children haunt him forever. Only once he learns to control his addiction can the thoughts of his dearly departed be rid of him forever.

He hobbles along, following the trail of white pills along the ground. The footsteps of his first born, Blinky, shake him as they get closer. Left. Right. Left again. Down. Left. Up. Right. Down. He now hears another set of footsteps, no doubt Pinky; the kind daughter who would always look on the bright side, even in the worst situations. Pac-Man is crushed by the immense sadness every fleeting thought of her brings, but pushes himself to the limits.

Right. Down. Right. More to the right. Keep on going to the right. Down. Left. He was gradually collecting more pills, and felt more comfortable, unaware that the pills would only force him deeper into his own mind. Up. Right. Up. Up. UP! Right. When he turned the next right corner, he found himself staring eye-to-eye with his youngest daughter, Clyde! She died so young, and as he couldn't handle the thought of her death: she appeared disfigured and mangled in the maze. Her eyes bled, the skin on her face was peeled off, and her limbs snapped into pieces. Exactly how she looked in the crash!! His melancholy scream couldn't distract her; she just came closer and closer. He stumbled away, running as fast as he could. Up. Right. Down. Right. Up. Then he saw it.

The power pellet. Upon consuming it, he remembered all the good deeds he committed, such as the humanitarian work in Tanzania and the time he all the money he donated to charity. But most importantly, he remembered his dear wife, Ms. Pac-Man, and how she stood by him even when he... crashed the car that killed his daughters!!

He held back his tears as he confronted the demonic forms his children had taken. Left. Down. Right. When they came closer, they appeared worse than ever before: as demented blue imps with yellow eyes. He screamed, "I SHALL MOVE ON!!" as he pummeled into them head-first.

They were dead. He started to collect the rest of the pills, but once he swallowed the 240th pill, he fell unconscious. Upon regaining consciousness, he found he was still inside the clutches of his own mind, and that he had merely entered the next level of terror. The thought's of his children grasped him once more, and four loud squeals echoed through the maze...

Happy Birthday, PS2

The best selling console of all time recently had it's 10th Birthday, so I want to take the time to thank Sony for it's gift to mankind, the PlayStation 2.

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Diversity

Believe it or not, the gaming community is actually quite diverse, with a lot of different ethnic groups and a lot of girls who play games, so why are so many video game protagonists tough, white guys? If you think about it, a lot of non-whites are typically the bad guys (Modern Warfare and Uncharted, anyone?) and females are usually stereotypes ("jiggle physics" is not a selling point!!).

Mario, Zelda, COD, Uncharted, God of War, Dead Rising, Red Dead: Redemption, GTA and countless other main gaming franchises follow this formula, and in this day and age, it's just not cool. If developers completely ignore that lot's of females play games, it just makes our industry seem all the more juvenile. If they ignore that not all gamers are whiteys, well that's just plain stupid! 

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New 3DS trailer is making me cry tears of joy.

The 3DS is the new Nintendo system capable of beautiful 3D imagery without glasses. It's one of the most powerful hand helds, can take 3D pictures, play 3D movies, has a fantastic Wi-Fi service, a much-needed joystick, a Virtual Console Service which plays past Game Boy games in 3D, and now has an amazing launch line-up. A new trailer came from the Nintendo Press Conference in Japan, detailing all the fantastic launch titles coming out for the system. I am very excited, and if you like video games, or anything in general for that matter, you should be too.

As I don't speak Japanese (yet), I couldn't find out all the games. But I think I recognized most of them, so here's the order in which they were shown:
#1 - Kid Icarus: Uprising (epic revival of a classic Nintendo franchise)
#2 - Nintendogs & Cats (Who's a cute kitty? You are! Aww...)
#3 - Street Fighter IV 3D (Can't wait to try out the online mode)
#4 - Resident Evil: Revelations (Holy Guacamole! Look at those graphics!)
#5 - Resident Evil: The Mercenaries (2 Resident Evil Games!)
#6 - Samurai Warriors Chronicle (Never heard of it)
#7 - Dead or Alive Dimensions (Super hot chicks in 3D? Count me in!)
#8 - ??? 
#9 - Metal Gear Solid 3DS - The Naked Sample (*faints from excitement*)
#10 - Paper Mario 3DS (I love the Paper Mario games)
#11 - Pilotwings: Resort (Another classic Nintendo series revived in 3D)
#12 - Mario Kart 3DS (Looks just as good as Mario Kart Wii)
#13 - ???
#14 - Super Monkey Ball (It looks bananas! Please excuse the awful pun)
#15 - ???
#16 - Professor Layton and the Mask of Miracle (Prepare to be puzzled)
#17 - ???
#18 - Star Fox 64 3D (Another classic series revived, this time with an awesome remake)
#19 - Steel Diver (Submarine mayhem)
#20 - Animal Crossing 3D (Fantastic simulation game)
#21 - Ocarina of Time 3D (A 3D remake of arguably the best game of all time? *faints again*)
Keep in mind that there are even more games coming out on the system. You're probably thinking I shouldn't get so excited, but the 3DS is without a doubt the most impressive piece of gaming hardware of all time.

I'm amazed as well, George.

Thank's for reading!

Weird Donkey Kong Country Returns song

As some of you may know, there is a brand new Donkey Kong Country game coming out for the Nintendo Wii this Spring, suitably titled Donkey Kong Country Returns. I wouldn't normally care, but the game's being developed by Retro Studios, the holy company that blessed the world with the sublime Metroid Prime Trilogy. Anyway, I found this video while youtubeing, and I thought it was funny in a silly way. Enjoy!

All credit to the Screen Team

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Looking Back: Uncharted 2

When the 4th Indiana Jones film came out, I was very disappointed. Indy was too old, the story was convoluted and incomprehensible and there was too much f*****g Shia LaBeouf. As people tried to repress the thought's of the atrocious movie, they turned to Uncharted 2. AND DEY WERE LIKE OMG!

Uncharted 2 is one of the best PlayStation games and one of the best games ever. It may have only came out in 2009, but it already has a legacy. This game was revolutionary because of it's cinematic story telling, stunning visuals and extremely polished presentation. All those childhood moments of wanting to be in the movies were summed up the moment I started playing this game.

Who could blame her?

Nathan Drake, the treasure-hunting protagonist, wakes up in a train. A train which is hanging off the top of a mountain. The brilliant opening triggers a flashback where he is relaxing on a beach in the Caribbean, and is approached by two fellow treasure hunters, who ask for his help in finding the elusive treasure of Marco Polo.  Drake can't resist, and is wound up in a gripping yarn that spans the entire globe.

While the story is very good, it's how it is told that makes it spectacular. As you're walking along in-game, the characters will start chatting to each other like any normal people would. This simple gesture is what makes this game stand out. Through phenomenal voice acting and sharp writing, the player garners all the character development and little details about the plot, simply by playing along with the game. Add to that spectacular set-pieces such as the stunning train-sequence and a romp through a civil-war stricken city and you have possibly the best story presentation of all time. This is how it's done, people! As Nintendo keep their story paper-thin and Hideo Kojima makes his games have hour-long cut-scenes, the good people at Naughty Dog lead the way in spectacular story-telling for video games.

They used motion-capture for the cutscenes

Words cannot describe how gorgeous this game is. The character models, the level design, the animations, lighting, everything. This is a game that could only be done on the PlayStation 3, and it shows. Just watch it in action (sorry if it's slow to load):

The gameplay is very tight and polished as well. The 3rd person shooting mechanics work well and the camera never falters. The shooting is broken apart by sequences of climbing and puzzles, which are a refreshing break from the norm. But this is where the game falters. The climbing seems to be deliberately stiff and clunky. I know that the mechanics are there to show that the characters are "everyday people like you and me" but the climbing isn't nearly as fun as say, Prince of Persia. The puzzles, while clever, usually involve looking into Drake's diary, offering little independent logic. These are tiny faults, but they stop the game from being perfect. 

Maybe he'd be more agile if he wasn't wearing jeans for the whole game

I've heard that there are plans to make a movie based on the game, but I honestly can't see the point? Uncharted 2 is an interactive movie, and is better than the first game in every regard. The visuals, story, voice acting, music, shooting and basically everything else you can think of is phenomenal. Did I mention everything fantastic about the single-player is translated to the multi-player? This is a game that non-PS3 owners should be jealous about, as it is one of the best games of all time. 

I'm going giggity giggity for a sequel

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What does the future hold for Nintendo?

Hello, follower/s! Sorry it has taken so long to post my next blog (I’ve been very lazy busy). Every week, I’m going to write my predictions for the future of gaming technology and the main gaming industries (Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo). Today I’m writing about Nintendo, the most experienced of the 3.

• Nintendo has made a LOT of stupid mistakes in the past, such as:
• Dissolving the deal with Sony, causing the PlayStation to be made and therefore causing Sony to destroy Nintendo in sales with the PlayStation and PlayStation 2
• Refusing to properly go online
• Making the N64 controller as retarded as possible
• Giving the GameCube a f*****g handle

Despite all these, I still firmly believe that although Nintendo make the worst hardware, they make the best games. Many people would disagree with that, but with Nintendo making countless masterpieces such as Ocarina of Time, Metroid Prime and Super Mario Galaxy; it’s hard to prove otherwise. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that Nintendo hasn’t been making the technologically superior devices in recent years.

3D is undoubtedly the future of gaming

That’s all about to change with the 3DS. The 3DS is a marvel of technology, as it is capable of beautifully producing 3D imagery without those crappy and expensive glasses. It’s also more powerful than the Wii (Capcom and Konami have even said it could be as powerful as the 360 and PS3), making it arguably the most powerful portable device of all time. It can play 3D Movies, take 3D pictures and has a very impressive line-up that includes Mario Kart 3DS, Ocarina of Time 3DS, Star Fox 3DS, Pilotwings Resort, Resident Evil: Revelations and Metal Gear Solid: The Naked Sample. This is mind blowing stuff people, and it could be the start of a golden age for Nintendo.

Imagine this in HD

The other system I think Nintendo will make is a HD Wii. Games such as Super Mario Galaxy 1 and 2, Metroid Prime Trilogy, Okami and MadWorld would look phenomenal in HD, and this move would make 3rd Party developers more interested in the Wii. I can’t see why Nintendo wouldn’t do this, as they have 5 DS models (DS, DS Lite, DSI, DSIXL and now the 3DS). Why can’t they make just 1 more Wii model? It seems logical, but as you can see above, Nintendo isn’t the most logical company.

Thanks for reading!